Justice and Respect Letters
Never Too Much Love
by Pastor Bob Stith
(adapted from correspondence of Jan. 2001)
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Justice and Respect Letters
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A fundamentalist Baptist minister allows his heart to be changed towards those with whom he disagrees regarding homosexuality, reflecting on friendship with a gay-rights activist grandma and a semi-famous gay songwriter, and what he has learned about God's heart.
A friend who is on staff with Probe ministries asked for my comments on the following question sent to their web site: "But I still don't see anything on how we are to follow Jesus' commandment about loving your neighbor regarding homosexuality in the "institutionalized" church, and homosexual weddings and pastors. I don't want to judge others, and I don't want to see homosexuality forced into public schools as a "normal" lifestyle. How do I have mercy AND stand up for what I believe in my heart to be wrong according to my interpretation of the Bible? Where does mercy and judgment begin in dealing with activist groups?"
... I found myself wanting to serve Him by helping to show them His love. I had to be Jesus in the flesh. I couldn't do that if my "love" was a veneer or simply putting on an act so I might get them to listen to my arguments... This question expresses a fear or confusion many Christians have in dealing with the issue of homosexuality. We fear that if we show too much love and mercy it will be construed as acceptance. If we are not strong enough in our opposition gay activists will take over the public arena. In getting caught up in this approach we are allowing what others say or do to dictate our positions and how we express our convictions.
I just read a response J.P. Moreland made to Charles Templeton who was asserting that it is intellectually impossible to believe in God. Moreland pointed out that how the argument is framed is extremely important. If we accept a faulty premise we've already lost. This is what some gay activists with the collusion of much of the media has done - for example, all those who do not accept homosexuality as normative are "homophobic." Of course this is linguistically and logically indefensible. If those of us involved in ministry to homosexuals were homophobic we would never be around homosexuals willingly. We are put into the position of answering the old question "Do you still beat your wife - yes or no?" We must consider how the question is framed but we don't have to allow that to dictate our response - nor our attitudes.
I would begin therefore by saying that God showed me that I wasn't responsible for how the world views what I do and say as long as it squares with the meaning and the spirit of His Word. Of course trying to live according to that Word can be dangerous. It has been known to get people crucified. One of my theology professors use to tell us "It's bad enough to be understood, let alone misunderstood." People, even religious people, may misinterpret what you say or do. Friends and foe alike may strongly disagree. So be it. We can listen, think through the objections but again, our accountability is to God. Is He pleased - not only with what I've said but the manner in which I've communicated my understanding?
I also became aware that it isn't my job to convince others my understanding of scripture is the correct one. I believe that is the domain of the Holy Spirit.
As a fundamentalist I was always bothered by Jesus telling His disciples that the world would know they belonged to Him by the way they loved each other. I've come to see that I can love people without condoning or approving their actions - or their positions. But if my loving them consists of telling them "I am speaking the truth in love" or something similar it will not ring true. We absolutely must learn to see gays - and all other people - as people whom Jesus loves dearly. He cries out for them to come to Him. He wants them to know that no matter how far they drift He longs passionately for them to come to Him. So, I began by realizing how much Jesus loved homosexuals - including activists - and then because He was so pained by their sin and the cruelty of others, I found myself wanting to serve Him by helping to show them His love. I had to be Jesus in the flesh. I couldn't do that if my "love" was a veneer or simply putting on an act so I might get them to listen to my arguments. I had to decide if I really believed what God says about people who are separated from Him. Are they being deceived spiritually? Is it possible to live totally at one with God and be in disobedience to something about which I think the Bible is clear? Can true joy be found apart from Him? It isn't my task to convince people of this. I must proceed with the assurance that this is the task of the Holy Spirit. My task is to love and to speak the truth - gently for the most part.
Steve Schalchlin and Maggie have been good for me in that regard. Maggie and I have butted heads on several occasions. But we not only respect each other. We genuinely care for and love each other. Because of Maggie's influence I am always evaluating what I say or write concerning homosexuality. Will it pass Maggie's 'truth test'? Would someone be wounded by the way I expressed a conviction?
Steve has even asked me to appear with him at a national gay friendly group. He wants his side to see that someone can totally disagree with him (and them) and not be harsh or obnoxious. He and I have kind of a running joke that "I love Steve but we disagree totally on homosexuality." He told me once that he was pretty sure I hadn't changed my mind in the last 15 minutes. But the truth is I do love Steve. He is well aware that I oppose gay marriage or adoption and acceptance of what we believe to be sin by the culture at large. I grieve over his views on homosexuality. But I am encouraged that through some of the Exodus folks, through a lot of conversations and e-mails with Randy (Thomas of Living Hope ministries) and others he has for the most part let go of his anger and bitterness toward the church and indirectly toward God. He now once again identifies himself as a Christian. I still pray that one day he will see the whole truth. But I know he wouldn't even be in a position to consider it if he had not seen God's love in the flesh.
Steve is an extremely talented composer who has become quite well known. (At least that's what he tells me.) A couple of years ago I sat and listened as he played and sang songs he had written for the musical "The Last Session." I realized I had tears in my eyes. I thought back to the many times I had listened to songs he had written for a Christian band he had once been a part of. I remembered that I could usually listen to the albums and tell which songs Steve had written. Some of those songs still speak to me. They were songs with a deep understanding of scriptural themes on the Christian life. So, I was grieved thinking how many songs had been lost to the Christian church. What if there had been a church, a person, a ministry when he was so much in need and in so much pain?
Over and over since becoming involved with Exodus I have heard testimonies of those who came to Christ, who came to believe that change was possible, simply because someone dared to love unconditionally. They had known so much anger, so much rejection. Most had become bitter, even antagonistic toward the church. I saw some of this first hand in Lynchburg, Va. at the Mel White - Jerry Falwell meeting a couple of years ago. I was horrified at what I saw and heard from "christian" protesters. I cannot imagine anyone coming away from that demonstration thinking "Gee, I really want to know their Jesus." But I've also seen first hand the power of Christ's love to attract the strongest dissenters.
It is imperative that we not allow ourselves to put homosexuality into a separate category from other sins. If we slip into that it will show in the way we relate and those to whom we are trying to minister will know it. For instance, do we oppose adultery and adulterers in public life with the same standard we use for homosexuality? I think we think we do, but I haven't seen consistency there. The bottom line is that we are in the business of reconciling ALL sinners to our Father. We must see ALL people as God sees them. Early in my Christian life I thoroughly enjoyed debating scriptures in general and the facts about Jesus in particular. I realized in reflecting many years later that I had actually "won" most of those debates. I also realized I had not "won" any converts. I think the problem was that I was out to "win." I wasn't out to love all men like Christ. I frequently confused my responsibility with that of the Holy Spirit. Lest anyone wonder I still feel very strongly the responsibility to be totally consistent with the Word of God. I don't use certain translations because I feel they sometimes confuse interpretation with translating. Accuracy is sacrificed for readability. I'm still a fundamentalist. But I've come to realize that if I don't truly have compassion for all men, if I don't attempt to see them through the eyes of Jesus, to see as He sees, all my assurances of love will have a hollow ring - sounding brass or a clanging symbol.
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Pastor Bob Stith is known affectionately as a fundamentalist Baptist preacher who resides in Texas and who recently celebrated 30 years in ministry at his church. He also serves as a board member of Living Hope, a local ministry within the Exodus network.
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