Justice and Respect Letters
They Listened: Repentant Homophobes
by Randy Thomas (March 14, 1999)
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Justice and Respect Letters
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An ex-gay man's testimony leads to a change of heart in church members who had shunned gays in their midst...
Some have said that only exgays can reach "homophobes" (those who are irrationally fearful and/or hostile towards *persons* who experience same-gender attraction) within the conservative Christian church, and this may well be true.
Randy Thomas, an exgay minister, gives his account of how people who had previously not been able to respond with respect to those they regard as sinners listened to his testimony and wept, their hearts renewed. For compassion is not a compromise of moral conviction -- it is indeed a truer expression of God's righteousness.
About homophobes. I have had both repentant and nonrepentant come to me after I speak at times. I really try to stay true to my calling about teaching and rebuffing the church as well as sharing my journey with Christ. I was thinking about which story to share and the following is what came up.
One time I was giving a 10 minute testimony in front of a joint service. It was a combination of a African American Baptist church and a predominantly white Christian Church. I had been an advisor, if you will, to the Baptist pastor in another arena and he asked me to speak at this deal. Before we ever got there I told him that his jokes and cliché's about gays were as unacceptable as the verbal persecution he endured as an African American, even though I think the movements are completely different, much of the verbal persecution is the same. I told him if he wanted to talk about an issue he had to earn the right by at least knowing who he is talking about. He was offended at first but apparently he took it in grace and invited me to speak.
His introduction of me was...amazing. He called me a man of character, someone to be heard, someone the church had to listen to because for too long she had turned a deaf ear to people dealing with homosexuality.
As I took the podium, around a thousand people gave me... a complete stranger, a standing ovation. I haven't even spoken yet! I told them what it was like to be gay and be attacked physically for it. I told them about the TV preacher who alienated me and actually made me cry and reject the church as a possibility. I told them how hate from the church could convince my mom that it was ok to throw me out on the streets because I was supposedly demon possessed (BTW, I love my Mom and she has repented for that, we have a good relationship.)
I told them (and I say this every time) that the gay community provided me a haven, community, identity, the only love I had ever known to that point and understanding... I paused and looked up and scared myself with the next few words. Before I get into this you have to know that the Baptist church was very verbal, hanky waving, "talk to me preacher" kind of congregation. They were talking to me and with me the whole time. I looked up with that *Other* feeling in my gut (Jesus) and I said,
"The gay community was there but....:::with strength and conviction I said::: Where WAS the church?!" and an elderly African American Gentlemen yelled out "OH LAWD! WHERE WAS THE CHURCH...WHERE WAS SHE!" and he shook his hanky and leaned forward in his very nice grey suit and cried. I told them that it was time for the church to put down the rocks and start washing the feet of the gay community and love them regardless of anything else. Many times the Lord allows me to say "I am a Christian today not because of the church, but because of God willing to go where His Bride won't." I told them that had to change.
Granted, I left the gay identity and behavior because, to me, I found a Greater love in God and it is my understanding that I am to only define myself as His child in Christ and that homosexuality is not an option in my devotion to Him. However, I can not deny that it was a drag queen, who claimed Christ as Savior, who saved my life at the age of 19, not the church. It was his witness that lodged in my heart because it met *ME* where I was at and didn't lump me as some kind of agenda person preying on children. I guess that is why I get so angry now on the other side when people lump me into a different agenda.
I stepped down from the podium, my 10 minutes had stretched to 20 ::oops::, and the response was thunderous. People leapt to their feet and I was surrounded by all these men who were hugging me and shaking my hand, crying and saying God bless you, thank you... all this stuff. I was completely off guard, even kind of scared. I remained calm on the outside but inside I was freaked out! That night they weren't going to take an offering because it was a joint service but the Pastors changed their minds and they took an offering for Living Hope. It helped three of our members with finances to go to the Exodus conference in '98.
I had a follow up interview with the Baptist Pastor and I asked him what the ovation and applause was about. He said that it kind of took him back to and said he didn't know. Then... with that *deep* look in his eyes he said, "No I do know what all the applause was for, it was to tell the gay community we were sorry for all the things we had done wrong and to tell you we love you unconditionally." We both sat there with quiet tears falling down.
And you know, those Pastors still say some stupid things from time to time. But I do too. We all do. However, I will never forget that night when I saw these two Church's come against their own homophobia in a way they could handle it without running away. They didn't have to listen to me, but they did.
Randy
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Created on 11-23-1999. Last updated 11-24-1999.