Make a Redemptive Difference: Dealing Constructively with Homosexuality by Carlton Quattlebaum (December, 1999)

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"I heard the curses that made me want to die, knowing that I was one who they mocked."

Practical recommendations to conservative Christians for promoting the Gospel of Grace in regards to homosexuality and supporting those within their churches who struggle with it.

 

"They don't know what they don't know." U.S. District Judge Thomas Penfield Jackson was referring to public perception as he announced his finding that Microsoft Corporation was a monopoly. The public had no basis from which to compare a market that is dominated by Microsoft with one in which intense competition stimulates innovation, value and productivity.

The public also had no motivation to make this comparison. After all, if our needs are being met with the status quo, why mess with it? Why jeopardize a good thing? Because, the ruling explains, free market principles must be protected, even when those actions are unpopular. Our comfort and security must be disrupted for a greater cause of preserving the free-market system.

Out of the Comfort Zone

In many ways, we don't know what we don't know. Our lives are shaped by whom we've known and what we've read. The church is a tremendous source of security for many of us, and yet that security is threatened by information and experiences foreign to all we've known.

Whether in the church, on the job, in our neighborhood or in our families, we are increasingly being affected in some way by the issue of homosexuality. We are faced with the fact that "what we know" about this issue isn't enough to show us how to respond in ways that are both loving and redemptive.

Into the Church

Those who have embraced homosexuality believe that they were born that way and cannot change. They believe that a God of love wouldn't hold their sexuality against them. Many grew up in churches where they heard that homosexuality was an abomination, a sin worse than any other, and they in turn heard that they were an abomination. The shame of knowing that they were the ones being talked about in sermons, conversations and jokes drove them into closets of silence.

Some have "come out" of those closets, their pain inflamed into a rage of defiance. They cite the injustice they've suffered from the church as just cause for rejecting the truth of the gospel.

Still others remain in the church and in the closet, living double lives of faith and promiscuity. They compensate for their shame by giving selflessly to the church, all the while in bondage to a sin with such stigma that they dare not confess it to anyone. I know. That was me.

I sat there when sermon remarks and jokes were made in the church about homosexuals. I heard the curses that made me want to die, knowing that I was one who they mocked. When I had to deal with this issue with church leaders, I was devastated by their inability to deal constructively with the situation.

Fortunately, in spite of the arrogance that surrounded many Christians' attitudes about homosexuality, I had also been nurtured to follow after God, regardless of the cost. I persevered, and God led me to the ministry of Dennis Jernigan and Reconciliation Ministries. Through the testimony of this songwriter who was healed of homosexuality and through the ministry of Reconciliation, God did a tremendous work of healing in my own life.

Promoting the Gospel of Grace

In some ways the church has had a monopoly, not unlike the kind the courts ruled that Microsoft had. In this monopoly, we have excluded the message of the gospel from those whom we see as different from ourselves. Certainly, the greatest hate crime one could ever inflict on another is one with eternal consequences-obstructing, through our attitudes, the power of the cross.

Too often, we don't know what we don't know. We believe that homosexuality is a sin far greater than any other sexual sin. Our primary response to the gay community is within the political arena, advocating anti-gay legislation and opposing pro-gay initiatives. We are uncomfortable with friends and family members who are homosexual. We talk about hating the sin but loving the sinner, but spend a lot more time hating the sin than loving the sinner.

Now, however, we are challenged to let go of false assumptions and prejudices in order to promote the work of the gospel in the lives of those struggling with homosexuality. The teenager struggling with homosexuality, the wife devastated by the revelation that her husband is gay-these people need help founded in truth. The security of what we've always known must give way to a love for homosexuals and a better understanding of homosexuality.

How Can We Love Homosexuals?

First of all, be humble. Resist the arrogant attitude of "your sin is worse than mine." Be willing to share about your own sins, sexual or otherwise, creating a bond that says that you're not all that different from one another.

Be honest about how much or little you know about homosexuality. People can forgive you for not having knowledge, but will likely resent your disguising ignorance with religious platitudes. When I first shared with my pastor, Rocky Barra, about my past struggles with homosexuality, I was delighted with his response that he knew very little about the issue. He demonstrated that he cared about me more than he cared about the appearance of having all the answers.

Be a friend, even at the risk of others misinterpreting your actions. It is easy to shy away from someone because you fear what others might think. Take the risk. God could use you to draw that person to Him. Don't be discouraged if results don't come as quickly as you hoped.

Confront in love those who demonstrate un-Christlike attitudes about homosexuals. When you do so, you cultivate a godly empathy that will increase your desire to minister to homosexuals.

Be ready to refer strugglers to the appropriate organizations and resources. Our ministry, Reconciliation Ministries (734-595-4645, 810-739-5114), routinely takes referral calls. For those outside of Southeast Michigan, we refer them to the ministry closest to them. Exodus International (206-784-7799) provides an extensive referral network of resources and services.

Equip yourself to more effectively minister to those who struggle. Regeneration Books (410-661-4337) is an excellent resource on the Christian perspective on homosexuality. Also, Michigan Family Forum's upcoming conference, "Unchained Love: A Compassionate Response to Same Sex Attraction," is an ideal opportunity to become better informed and equipped. (See [Reconciliation] for more information.)

Let the word be heard. Many times people struggle because they don't know that there is hope and healing in Jesus Christ. We regularly present our message in churches, bringing hope to those who struggle silently. Bringing the message of hope and healing to your church, via spokespeople such as us, can literally be a lifeline to those struggling.

Pray. We tend to pray for those we love, and conversely we tend to love more deeply those for whom we pray. Pray for those who struggle with homosexuality, that they would come to know the fullness of God's power and grace in their lives.

 

Carlton Quattlebaum is Director of the Metro Detroit-West office of Reconciliation Ministries in Canton, Michigan. He and his wife of fourteen years, Tammy, have two children, Jonathan Christian (4) and Sarah Ruth (2). They are members of Tri-City Christian Center (Assemblies of God) in Canton, where they reside.

This article originally appeared in the January 2000 issue of CITIZEN magazine.

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Posted 2-20-2000. Updated 2/20/2000.